The other thing that came up for me while I was away at school this weekend was looking at the relationship between internal and external chaos in my life. As I look at my internal world–how I am eating, sleeping, exercising, resting, and taking care of myself in general (or not so much so as the case may be), I realize that unquestionably what I am feeling inside is reflected back to me by my external life. When I am feeling confused, tired, overwhelmed, pressured, inadequate or any of a number of things, then I see those things in my environment and I focus on them excessively. When I am feeling happy, hopeful, confident, clear in thought and intention, strong, and vivacious, then I recognize and celebrate those things both within myself and the people and circumstances that life puts me in contact with.
What I fully realized and embraced this weekend is that both things are OK. It is uncomfortable to not feel “on”, to be vulnerable and to feel like everything is shifting and nothing is solid under my feet. When that happens, I see and project fear and uncertainty in life instead of a passion and zest for life, which is what I want to portray. But I realize that it is impossible for me or anyone else to experience and reflect positivity and feeling good and having success at all times. It is the realization that often I simply need to return to my inner guidance and knowing and trusting this acceptance of both aspects of life, since it is impossible to experience one without fully embracing the other. And what I always find is that as my internal chaos settles and things smooth out, my external world always comes immediately around as well, and suddenly everything is brighter and clearer and my vision and faith in the process is always restored.